The Fork in the Road

I am heart broken today. I learned yesterday, that a friend of mine, who lives far away, is thought (by mutual friends in geological proximity) to have "fallen away". I am completely stunned! This friend, whom I will call Mary, has been a great spiritual mentor of mine. Someone I respected personally and professionally. Someone who oozed Christlikeness, integrity, compassion, commitment and joy in the Lord. I walked closely with Mary for about seven years, then we moved away. I was still able to admire her life from a distance. It was always a blessing to see how Mary and her husband, (also a dear friend) served the Lord. Consistently. Quietly. Steadfastly. Their marriage and ministry was so encouraging and gracious. They were such an obvious road sign pointing to Jesus.

Mary's husband died a few years ago. I cannot begin to understand how hard it was for her. What emptiness and sadness she must have tasted. Yet what a beautiful testimony of the body of Christ and His loving arms enfolded around her. She grieved and rejoiced as her beloved was now in the presence of the Most High. She anticipated her reunion with yearning, yet she knew God kept her here for a purpose. Many brothers and sisters buoyed her up in fellowship, prayer and support. From far away I witnessed a beautiful working of the body of Christ, in caring for and nourishing a languishing cell. Ahh! the body at work protecting, restoring and strengthening! Mary seemed to be walking through the valley, leaning on the Shepherd. At times walking ahead, and at times being carried, but all the while moving up the path with the Savior. Then there was no news, no communication. And then, the news that friends believed she had fallen away. She had removed herself from fellowship. She didn't return calls, messages, emails. She had a new group of friends, unsaved friends.

When I was told, I wept. Oh I pray it's not true!! I plead with heaven that my friends are wrong. I beat my breast and say how could this be? How could one, once so dependant on the Lord for their every breath turn their back on Him who offers the ONLY hope, protection, blessing and goodness in this life and the next? Yet as I ask the Lord these unfathomable questions, I know from past experience, that it does happen. I have seen more than one friend turn away from the Lord. Every time it hurts deeply. Every time I TRY to comprehend, but to no avail.

Chet and I talked about this just the day before. We were discussing obedience and heart motivation. Although we do not always see eye to eye (what can you expect when you put Master's and Westmont in the ring together) on some issues, we are brother/sister in the Lord. We are family and we love and respect each other as little christs. In discussing this issue, we agreed that at some point in the Christian life (and probably at many, many times) we come to a fork in the road. A place where we realize we simply cannot DO this anymore. This, meaning living the Christian life-doing the things of Christ. It is a crisis of faith. Perhaps a point of exhaustion, fatigue and despondency. Perhaps not. At this fork we have one of two ways to go.

1. Throw our exhausted body face down at the feet of Jesus and say, "I can't do it anymore. I am a complete and utter screw up! I have tried everything and I simply can't go another step." In doing this we fully realize that this life of obedience to Christ means that Christ will have to live His goodness, His power, His love, His mercy, His justice vicariously THROUGH us and IN us, because we know that we have none of it. We can not do it. So we, in humility, ask Him to live through us. We surrender and die and allow Him to live in us. Then we get back up, propelled by His Spirit, buoyed by His love, led by His Word and start walking (all the while knowing that it is really Him walking in our feet).

Or, 2. We give in to our frustration and despondency and we quit. We say, "I have tried for years! I have begged the Lord to... and He has not. Either He isn't real or He just doesn't care about me. I quit. It's too hard." And we pick ourself up and walk away.

Oh God, I pray that that is not what Mary did.