Decisions! Decisions!

This is in response to Jack’s blog regarding his most important decisions, and asking others to share theirs with him. I’ve given it a lot of thought and written my response about 15 times (some in my head). Every time, my answers are completely different. Like various forks in a path cause you to end up at various locations, so every step in my life (and everyone else’s) is laden with decisions that have trickle-down effects, too numerous to recall. These decisions definitively color, shade and contour my life in the way that makes it unique to me. So, here are three.

Decision #1 – Going to Master’s College. Although my reasons were riddled with selfish desires and sinful motives, and I had not submitted my life to the King, this was a huge turning point in my life. God used my time at Masters to get my attention, refine me and turn my heart towards Him. He exposed my sin, humbled me, birthed in me a desire to know Him more and follow Him. At Master’s I met my husband, and God united us to a life of service for His purposes.

Decision #2 - Turning off of the path to a recording contract. At that time in my life I was “pursuing my dream”. Famous vocal coach and mentor. Surrounded by contacts and friends in the business. “Guaranteed” a contract within a year. But God had been slowly and gently convicting me of my selfishness. I had a husband and a little boy who needed me. I can point to this decision as the moment that God began to really teach me that I am not my own! Not only was I bought with a price, the blood of Jesus, and belonged to God; but also, God had created me specifically to be my husband's help meet. The ramifications of this truth are wide and deep. Years later I have only begun to scratch the surface of this profound truth. A truth that is, not only contrary to our nature, but so vehemently denied by the world.

Decision #3 – Homeschooling our children. This was definitely not my idea. But again, the lessons I learned (and am still learning) from decision #2 taught me that to help my husband was my God-given responsibility and this is what my husband wanted. Over the years I have wanted to manipulate my husband into changing his “desire” (Yes, it is possible for any woman to do this, men; do not be naive.) or his understanding of what God wanted for our family. But the Spirit-thank God-always hindered me! This part of the journey is far from over, but God is using homeschooling to reveal a plethora of sinful thoughts, motives and actions in my heart. He keeps me in this pressure-cooker to refine me, teach me patience, and perseverance. I have not only been blessed with difficult lessons, but also many joys and victories. It is so amazing to me that God can expose my pride and grow in me humility at the same time, but He has and He continues to do so.

Disclaimer #1 -You may wonder why my salvation is not listed. That is simply because I had nothing to do with it. I have resisted the God of the universe in every possible way. I have ignored Him, ran from Him, denied Him, forsook Him, hated Him and tried to trick Him, steal from Him, masquerade as one of His, and deceive Him. Yet He loved me, pursued me, forgave me, provided for me, protected me, led me, drew me, restored me, and revealed Himself to me. From my perspective, my salvation was not my decision to accept His free gift, but His decision to offer it. He loved me such as I was. And oh, that makes Him all the more lovely to me!

Disclaimer #2 – There are so many bad decisions I could list that altered the color/quality of my life, and thought they are many and they are vile, even the scars and consequences are precious in the light of God’s great grace and mercy.