Pitas, electrical schematics, rubber gloves, and race cars

I am standing at my kitchen island eating a veggie pita. In front of me is the kitchen table and the french doors beyond. It is a windy, crisp afternoon. The sun is shining, but its effects are sucked away by the wind. Crunching and staring out the door I am watching my husband. He is sitting outside at the picnic table on the patio, facing me. He is laboring over an electrical schematic of the garage. This is what he does best-planning, envisioning. His brow is furrowed in concentration. He is holding his pencil in that funny way four year olds do, resting between his index and middle fingers. On school children it looks awkward, but on this 6’4” hulk of a man, it looks...manly.

He gets up. Carefully placing weights on his paper, daring the wind to abscond it, and walks back to the garage. My thoughts are circling over a fact. Half of me is an analytical theorist, the other half is a spontaneous artist. At this moment I realize that I spend a lot of time observing, hypothesizing, and testing my theories on other people not too close to my life. I am like a scientist, at a safe distance - shielded with goggles and gloves- from any possible contaminates. My latest occupation has been field researcher in the area of marriages-other peoples’ of course.

My husband returns to the table. Once again bent over his drawing. You can be certain every detail is accurate. He is good at it. I know what he is thinking this very second and I smile. The slight curling up of his lips is the tell. He hates the wind. It is his longest nemesis.

My thoughts land on the fact. I should spend my time testing, observing, and working at my marriage the same way I do with others. This is such a simple thought. Such an elementary bedrock of life it is ludicrous to think a person would miss this. But I know they do. I have counseled enough to know that fact well. And here am I. Looking at my opposite and other half realizing that most of the time I only look at half of myself in the mirror. Like that guy in the movie Lady in the Water, who only worked out half of his body.

I am finished my pita. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is not my food. Lord forgive me. I am so selfish. I know what to do and how to be and what to strive for. Please, please, teach me to DO it!! I don’t want to be a research scientist; I want to be a test driver! Give me tunnel vision. Teach me how to focus on my husband and my marriage. Make it be my joy to cherish him. To know him so intimately, and anticipate his every need and desire. Amen.