People Watching

Even though my dad is the pastor in the family, my mom is the passionate one. She used to say she preached her best “sermons” to the dishes. I guess I have inherited that passion to see the Word of God honored in the lives of believers. So this is one of the “sermons” I preach to my dishes. Actually it is really a sermon to myself, as it seems I am in constant need of hearing it!

I watch husbands. People-watching in general is a great love of mine, but specifically, I love to watch husbands. There is nothing more precious than watching a husband who adores his wife; a husband who walks proud and tall, bolstered by the confidence of a trustworthy and supportive wife. But all too often what I see is a husband who is only a shadow of the man he was created to be. I see a husband who has relinquished his role as leader, in order to walk the path of least resistance. More often than not I see a husband with no joy in his eyes, no swagger in his walk, and no confidence in his wife. Every time I witness the emasculating of a husband by an overbearing or controlling wife my heart aches. It is on of the saddest things to behold. It is what I suppose it would be like to watch a frog slowly die in a pot of boiling water.

I first became aware of this all-too-common phenomenon as a newly married woman. My parents were visiting and we had another couple over for dinner. The couple was new in town and looking for a church home. They had visited several churches in the area and were asking my dad for advise. The wife was chronicling their experiences something like this:
“First we tried out church A. Tom liked it, but I didn’t like the fact that they met in a school. Then we tried church B, but I thought the preacher was weak on theology. Then we tried church C. Tom thought it was nice, but I thought the pastor was way too emotional. There are so many churches in the area, but not any really solid ones. So what do you think, Pastor?” she asked my dad.

My dad just smiled and nodded his head. Awkward! I called my dad into the kitchen under the pretext of helping to bring out coffee, and I asked him why he was so rude in not answering my friend. I will never forget his answer. He said, “Kari, if she won’t listen to her own husband, why in the world should she listen to me!”
Thus, the reality of controlling women and emasculated men began to come into focus for me that day.

Marriage is hard! Not only do we contend with our own sinful flesh, but we also have an adversary who delights in tearing down what God has ordained-the divine institution of marriage. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, the church, to a fallen world. On top of this we have the curse of the fall, which has distorted our God-ordained roles in marriage. Sin has short-circuited the way we were wired by God to operate. As wives we were created for the sole purpose of being a help meet to our husbands. Men were created to lead, to have dominion over creation.

My hobby of people watching is more often than not, like watching a train wreck. You don’t want to look, but you can’t take your eyes off of the gruesome sight. But every once in a while I find that rare husband who walks with his head held high; unapologetically forthright, a leader who strikes out ahead fully confident that his troops are following close behind-not looking back in doubt. Behind that man is a woman who is confident in her role as supporter, encourager, and follower. A wife who does not try to change her man, but realizes that in following her man, she is following her Maker. I love it when I spot that!! I love it when I am that.