The Judge is Colorblind?

Recently I've been watching this older tv show called John Doe. It's about a man who knows everything. Every fact ever recorded. Yet he doesn't know who he is. He has no memory of his life. He doesn't know if he ever went to school, where he grew up, if he likes hot dogs or hamburgers. He is completely colorblind. He sees only in black and white. I tried imagining what it would be like to see only in black and white. It's nearly impossible for me to fathom. Hold that thought.

Romans 2:2

In Romans 2:2 Paul begins to lay out the Four Principles of God’s Judgment by using four separate prepositional phrases. (Romans 2:2 – 2:16)
1. God judges according to the truth (vs.2)
2. God judges according to your hardness and unrepentant heart (vs.5)
3. God judges according to his works (vs.6)
4. God judges according to the gospel of me/Paul (vs.16)

“But we know that the judgment of the God is according to the truth…”

Oidamen. It comes from the verb oida, meaning “to perceive with the eyes” or “to perceive with the senses”

This is the agreement of Paul and the unspecific/hypothetically specific man (for the sake of the argument) to whom he is talking (a Greek diatribe). He is saying, we all agree that the judgment belongs to the God and that it is…(he will go on to say more about it)

The subject is the judgment.
Krima= This is a ma noun. It comes from the word krinow = to jugde, to determine, to separate.
In the 3rd declension, it refers to the sentence/judgment that God has already made. It is His to make, and He has already made it. God's judgment is a done deal.

IS = is the main verb. esteen It means “to be” or “to exist”, presently and continually as a fact.

according to the truth. kata alaytheian.
kata = a preposition with the accusative case, means, “according to the rule of measure”
alaytheian = the object of the preposition. The ah at the beginning of the word is a negative particle, which means “without”. lanthano = means “to be hidden, to be secret”. This translates to our word “truth”. Something uncovered/unhidden. The factual condition of man - who we are is uncovered- exposed before God. This is the truth about us. The REAL us, masks off.

This is the first principle of God’s judgment. It is according to the truth. This TRUTH is the rule of measure. There is no grading on a curve with God. God judges on actual facts, not on our interpretations, intentions, or comparisons of ourselves to others.


“…upon the ones practicing such things…”
epi is translated “upon”. Here it is in the accusative case which literally means “against” or “on” or “to”.
“the such things” refers back to Rom. 1:32. This is the direct object that receives the action of “practicing”.
prassontas = accusative plural masculine present active participle. This verb means continually practicing. A habit. When your habit is sin, you are in bondage to it. Addicted to it. Paul is speaking to the unsaved here. Specifically, the unsaved Jew.

1John 3:9-10 tells us that it is impossible for a saved person to habitually practice sin.
1John 2:1-2 makes an important distinction. A Christian can commit acts of sin. But then John goes on to delineate a clear distinction between a believer committing acts of sin, and an unbeliever living in a habit of continually practicing sin.

Christians can never be habitually practicing sin. Salvation is not just a religious term. It’s not just being delivered from hell. Having fire insurance. Salvation is a literal saving. Being SAVED from the bondage of sin. DELIVERED from the domination or control of Satan. We are ALL filled. A person is either filled with the Spirit or filled with Satan. This is so bold, so black or white. In our pragmatasim we have so many questions! In our estimation, the verdict should alter when the colors of individual circumstances are laid out. How far have we digested situational ethics? It reminds me of the song, Life Boat, by that brilliant lyricist, Steve Taylor. When I read these passages questions flood my mind. Where does this put the one who is called but has not yet responded? The one who is predestined, but hasn't yet received? We want technicolor!!! But Paul is saying, in the courtroom of God, there is only black and white. The judge is colorblind.

Defense Offense Judge Defendant

Romans 2:1

“…everyone who is judging is without defense…”
Without defense=Guilty. Inexcusable.

Then Paul adds another explanatory conjunction:

“…for in what you are judging the other, you are condemning yourself…”
en ho= “in which” is something specific. The something exactly that you judge.

Krineis=2nd person singular present active indicitive, meaning, again, “a continuous habit of life” This word “to judge, to separate, to determine” means that you are separating things out and coming to a conclusion.

the other/ton heteron. There are two adjectives that are both translated “another”, but in Greek there are two separate words: allos, meaning another of the same kind, and heteros, meaning another of a different kind. You can see which one is meant here.

We can see this is true. The things that we criticize others for, or judge them in, these same things we are guilty of. In our human nature, we judge others for the very same sins we are committing. Yet we tend to show mercy to someone practicing a different sin.

The gospels show us that for three years, Jesus was putting the disciples in positions that they did not have the answers for, or resources to deal with, to show them who they really were - helpless. Powerless. The point was to make them see that they are just the vessel. God is the do-er. It was true for them, and it is true for us too. It is not our wisdom, our ability, our resources, that accomplish anything, it is God who works, we are the conduits.

“…for the same things the one judging is practicing…”

”the exact same things”/ta autah
prasseis= 2nd person singular present active indicative verb. “Is practicing” denotes a habit. This word is used 5 times in Romans 1:32 – 2:3. It is talking about people who sin as a habit of life. Paul was very specific in choosing this word rather than poieho = meaning "to do a single/specific act". The habit of continually judging is a form of self-deception. When we are busy judging others, we are not judging ourselves, or putting ourselves in a place of humility before the judge. We are putting ourselves in the position of the judge, instead of the defendant.

And the Condemnation Continues

Romans 2:1

“…on account of which you are without defense--oh man--every one of you judging…”

di-a – “on account of which” comes from the preposition di-a (on account of) and the relative pronoun hos, “which”. This makes it a relative conjunction that refers back to the principle stated in verse 32. The continual doing, and taking pleasure in, all of the things stated in verse 32.

Because of all of this, Paul says, “you are without defense”. an-ap-ol-lo-gay-tos=a nominative singular masculine 3rd declension adjective.
To break it down:
a = a negative particle
a-po = the preposition from
lo-go s= the word or account
This is a legal term. Paul is, throughout this whole section of the Doctrine of Condemnation (Romans 1:18-3:21) laying out the principles of God’s judgment. It is only fitting for him to focus our attention this way by using legal terms placing the reader in God’s courtroom. Both the Jew and the Gentile are without a defense in the legal courtroom of God.

“Oh man!” Here Paul is using an ancient Greek literary devise called a diatribe. He is displaying the argument that he would make to any specific Jewish person. He is anticipating what one would say, and responding to it, like a hypothetical conversation. This is to every Jew who is judging.

Kri-non = vocative singular masculine present active participle. Meaning, “the one who is continually/habitually judging. The present active participle makes it clear that this is an ongoing trait or disposition.



The attitude of the Jewish person comes from a deep seeded belief that the Abrahamic Covenant (see Genesis 12:3) put them in a special relationship with God. Being a Jew automatically guarantees salvation. The practicing Jew believes that they are immune from judgment because they are Jews – God’s chosen people – a Covenant people. This is true, but what exactly does it mean to be “chosen”? What was the covenant God made to/with Abraham? The prevailing thought, at the time of Paul's writing, was that being a Jew guaranteed salvation and excluded you from judgment. The ironic thing was that Genesis 12:3 was given by God to Abraham before Abraham was even “Jewish”.

In essence, Paul is exposing the heart attitude behind Judiasm. He is saying that this person/people (again, addressing the Jews) is/are continually judging, taking a position outside of humanity, by placing themselves above the people they are judging. Paul is saying, if you have the knowledge of what sin is, which you must in order to be the judge, then you are condemning yourself.

Legalism, Freedom and Ability

This post is for the beautiful young women that have been studying God's Word with me this year and desire to be Godly women of character and purpose. This week we were understanding legalism, its affects on believers, and what God's Word has to say about it.

We looked at how the Pharisees divided God's laws (and their own additions) into greater and lesser laws, and the reasons behind that. The fact is glaringly evident; no one can keep God's law. The Pharisees divided the law into greater and lesser laws they chose which laws they wanted to keep and which they could not/did not want to keep. Essentially, they made themselves out to be above God. They decided the standard of holiness, not God.

Legalism reduces a relationship down to a workable list of do's and dont's. It makes us think that Christianity and salvation are things that WE are responsible for - things that WE do (in our own strength) rather than God. It elevates man and devalues God. Now man is sovereign above God.

Legalism makes us think that our lifestyle should gain God's favor - making God obligated to us.

Legalism makes one act based on human wisdom and strength, without regard to the Word of God or the Holy Spirit.

We spent some time in Colossians 2:8. "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy, empty conceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of this world, and not according to Christ."

SEE TO IT - This is a command to be in a constant state of watchfulness.

THAT NO ONE TAKES YOU CAPTIVE - The Greek word for "captive" is very rare. Used only here in the entire new testament. The word is sulagogeo. Sule is the word we get "booty" from. Like a pirates booty or loot. Ago is the verb meaning "to carry off".

THROUGH PHILOSOPHY - This is the love of wisdom especially as it applies to academia. Theories about God, the world, and the meaning of human life. Those people who love to debate the finer points of theology and doctrine for the sake of looking intelligent or spiritual, but have little or no concern with living like Christ.

EMPTY DECEPTION - This is a description of what Christ (through Paul) thinks of philosophy. He is restating philosophy as empty deception. You are deceiving yourself into thinking you are wise when you are really a fool. This philosophy/empty deception, manifests itself in two ways:

1. ACCORDING TO THE TRADITIONS OF MEN - Just because something has been done for ages and handed down for generations, does not make it true. Over the centuries there have been many examples of this. Buying indulgences, head coverings, tithing a certain amount, only reading a certain translation of the bible, etc...

2. ACCORDING TO THE ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES OF THIS WORLD - This carries the element of immature, simple principles. It is the setting out of things in a row. Like a little child playing with toys, lining up his cars or blocks in little rows. This is a philosophy that does not convey any deep or profound truth, it is elementary and rudimental. At its core, it is an effort to achieve salvation by works. Like the Pharisee who prayed aloud thanking God that he was spiritual, because he fasted the prescribed amount of time, gave the proper amount of offerings, etc...He was lining up in a row, all of his laudable deeds, "proving" to God that he had earned salvation.

Legalism is manifested in the very traditional, the very high-brow academia, and the very fundamental. Paul says here, it is at the end of every human way of thinking/rationalizing. The only antidote to legalism is found in the very next verse, Colossians 2:9. FOCUS ON CHRIST!!! "For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him who is the head of all principality and power."

We also looked at what is wrong with making rules from narrative stories in the Old Testament. All Scripture is profitable for teaching us, but not all Scripture is written about us or to us. The Old Testament is history. The working of God and His covenant promises to the children of Israel.

We saw how man's laws are lists of do's and don't's - mostly dont's; and how God's laws are, love God and love others.

This led us to ask ourselves, Do we take seriously the total corruption of the human nature? We looked at Genesis 6:5 and Matthew 15:19. We saw that all of our nature has been affected by sin; our will, intellect, affections, and conscience. We looked at the meaning of total depravity=the corruption of man's whole nature. We looked at 4 aspects of man's depravity.

1. Man's depravity is INWARD. It is deep down in our nature. God can see it, but often we cannot.
2. This wickedness/sinfulness is VERY GREAT. This is God's view, but not necessarily ours.
3. This wickedness is CONTINUAL. Not at some times only; not only when we make bad choices, but all the time, even when we think we are doing good. The heart of man is deceitful and desperately wicked.
4. This wickedness is UNIVERSAL. There is not a single man or woman on earth who is not sinful by nature. There is not even one thought in the heart of "man" that is not wicked.

Depravity, like some terrible disease, has infected every part of man's nature, and everything that man does. We are totally corrupt. There are two ways we can think of a thing as being totally corrupt.

1. Totally corrupt in EXTENT. Corruption/depravity is found in every part. The whole nature is corrupted by sin.
2. Totally corrupt in DEGREE. Corruption/depravity is absolute. As bad and bad can be. Evil has gone as far as it can.

The illustration of three glasses of water helps me visualize this principle. The first glass is a glass of pure water. This represents Adam's original purity. The second glass is pure water too, only added to it is a drop of poison. This is what it is like to be corrupt in extent. The whole glass of water is now ruined. Poison has corrupted every part of the water. The third glass is a glass full of poison. There is no water. Wickedness has reached the fullest possible degree.

God slows down the workings of sin in the world today by:
1. Romans 2:15 - leaving sinful man with a working conscience to restrain (to some extent) the work of sin.
2. Romans 13:1-5 - the power and restraint of civil government
3. Hebrews 2:15 - the fear of death
4. The influence of family, education, and society, which helps retard the workings of sin in the hearts and lives of men.

Sinful man cannot do anything that God considers good, holy, or righteous without FIRST being regenerated BY the Holy Spirit. (Look at Gen. 8:21, Ps. 58:3, and Matt. 23:25,28) Sinful men (dead in their trespasses and sins) are unable to repent and turn to God, unless the Father draws them (John 6:65).

But what about free will? We talked about the huge distinction between freedom and ability.
Freedom is the absence of external/outward constraint/force.

If a person is permitted to do as he wants to do, he is free. But man is not always ABLE to do what he wants to do. Man is free to fly. He is not able to. He has no ability to fly. He was not created with wings.


God is free to do anything He wishes to do but He is not ABLE to lie. He is governed by His own nature. He is holy and therefore cannot lie.

Man is free to do good (to choose God) but apart from God, he is unable to. Jeremiah 13:23.

We looked at C.S. Lewis' analogy of the book. You hold a book in your hand. You desire the book to go higher, but you don't want to lift it. When you let go of the book, it is free from restraint. It falls to the ground. Why? Because the natural law of gravity pulls it down. We are free to choose righteousness, but because of our natural depravity, we are unable.

As long as man is left to his own nature, he will always incline to evil, more and more. Not because he is forced to, but because he freely prefers it. Proverbs 1:24.

When we understand who and what we are before God, this helps us better understand legalism and how to avoid it. It is all about relationship, not rules.

Balance and Proportion

In delving into the great depths of the Sovereignty of God and the responsibility of man it is so very important, and extremely challenging, to maintain a biblical balance. There is great danger in over-emphasizing one and downplaying the other.

As a generation, we are not used to such strenuous exercise in the realms of logic, philosophy, critical thinking, and biblical hermeneutics, to wrestle theses weighty issues. But that we should wrestle is vitally important; to chew on meat. To be stretched and challenged. To have someone kick the foundation we stand on. To test it’s solidarity and soundness while wondering if it will crumble and you will topple, is a scary thing, but it is necessary. It is essential.

We must diligently and earnestly seek the Truth with all of our ability and resources; to scrutinize and comprehend. To cry out in earnest for the Spirit to give clarity and understanding. This is good. The Father in heaven sits up in anticipation. The Son breathes a deep sigh of pleasure. The Spirit engages and readies for the task He so adroitly accomplishes.

What is tantamount about growing in the knowledge and grace, is that you are growing. Developing. Stretching. Changing. The perspective that you have about God today is different than you had last year. It is the same picture, mind you, but it is clearer now, the colors are more vivid and deep. The brush strokes are more noticeable. You see details that you never noticed before and this alters your understanding of the picture. Truth, like beauty, is all about proportion.

The real danger is when looking at the hard and deep things of God, we (out of fear or pride) are unwilling to wrestle with God and His Word. We like our comfort zone. We say things like, “My God is not like that!” or “I refuse to believe in a God who would…” or “I can’t believe that, it would change so much of what I’ve been taught about God!”

Friends, these are perilous roads of thought. This is the path of Romans 1. The changing of an incorruptible God into an image made by corruptible man. Squeezing God inside your understanding. Watch out! This could lead to God (for a time, if you are a child of His) giving you over. It leads to exchanging the Truth of God for a lie. Worshipping what you create in your mind about God. What is palatable to you.

The brilliance of a lie is that it has just enough truth to be palatable. No one drinks a glass of rat poison, but when it is disguised in fruit juice, you could quench your thirst...and die.

Wrath and Truth

Romans 1:18
“For the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven upon all irreverence and unrighteousness of men, the ones holding down the truth in unrighteousness…”

This passage begins a new section in Paul’s letter to the Romans. It is the first official doctrine, although Paul has some heavy stuff in his intro:
Romans 1:3-4 – The doctrine of Jesus Christ
Jesus being completely human
Jesus being completely God
Romans 1:9-17 – The doctrine of the ministry of the gospel

This passage addresses the doctrine of condemnation (Rom. 1:18 – 3:20)
1. God’s indictment of the Gentiles in Romans 1:18-23.
In verses 18 – 20, Paul begins the prosecution against the Gentiles by showing how God reveals Himself to them.
In verses 21 – 23, Paul shows that the response of the Gentiles to God’s revelation of Himself condemns them.
2. God’s indictment of the Jews in Romans 2
3. God’s universal condemnation in Romans 3:1-20.

How many times do we hear people say things like, “Why does God let bad things happen to good people?” “How could God let all those innocent people die?” “I refuse to believe in a God who is so capricious!”

The truth is, Christendom has deformed God. People are ready and willing to accept a God who is good and kind, merciful and benevolent, patient and long-suffering. They say they want a God who is fair, but that is not true. A fair God would give everyone what they deserve. Since every person has sinned, and the payment for sin is death, every person deserves death. Eternal separation from God. God is not fair, and this is good. But we want God to be only a portion of who He is - the kind side of God. But God is immeasureable, and way beyond our limited and finite comprehension. God is merciful and vengeful, kind and jealous, generous and selfish, intimate and beyond our imagination, patient and instantaneous, a hater and a lover, a creator and a destroyer. Most want a palatable, docile God. A tame God. And He is not tame!! We have slowly bought into the erroneous belief that the creature is equal to his creator.

Paul has shown us who Jesus Christ is. What the gospel is. He has carefully pointed out that God has and is revealing Himself to every single person coming into this world. We all know God, the question is, how do we respond to the revealing of God – the Light. Those who have rejected The Light stand in condemnation. Verse 17 talked about the revelation of the righteousness of God, now verse 18 talks about the wrath of God.

The wrath of God. The word for wrath is orgay. This word is used eleven times in Romans. It is a legal term that includes reason and law. It is the wrath of the judge in a courtroom. It is a deep seeded anger, contrasted with the Greek word thumos, translated rage, or a heated passion that flares up quickly and is burned out. Thumos is used a lot in Revelation. It is also the word we get our word thermos from.

Is being revealed. This word is in the present tense, which means it is constantly being revealed right now. Along with the gospel being revealed to all now, the wrath of God is presently being revealed.

The source of the wrath of God is heaven. The direction of God’s wrath is upon all irreverence and unrighteousness.

Irreverence. This word asebeiah comes from the word sebo, meaning devout with an alpha privative making it negative (without, un-). It is to be without devotion, translated ungodliness or irreverence. This is toward God. It defines a person that has no respect for God.

Unrighteousness. This word is also a legal term (Greeks LOVED the legal system). It is the word for "unjustice", "without punishment". This term is toward fellow man. Harm toward men. I love the way that Paul first addresses our relation to God and then our relation to fellow man. But it is also reflective. My relationship with God determines my relationship with my fellow man. 1 John 5 says that how we obey God IS how we love (minister to) our bretheren.

These people, the ones without devotion to God and as a result, without righteousness towards others, are the objects of God’s wrath.

It is the irreverence and unrighteousness of men that is holding down the truth.

Holding down. Katachonton. Is a present active participle. It comes from the preposition kata (which when used in the genitive) means “down” or “against”, and echo means “to have or to hold”. The suppressing of the truth is presently happening right now. In order to hold something down, you have to have it, which further supports the previous discussion that men already have the truth.

The truth. This word truth is interesting. It comes from the word lanthano, meaning “ to be hidden, or to be secret”. It is something that is concealed. The word parade comes from this word. A parade is concealing the truth in regards to what the street was actually made for. The word here has a negative particle attached to the front of it, making it in the negative. This word means "out in the open". Something NOT concealed.

I love the fact that God’s truth comes first! John 3:17 says that God enlightens every man coming into the world. He manifests Himself to everyone who is born. What happens here on earth is the result of what people are doing with The Truth. Life is all about how creatures respond to the Truth, their Creator. At the time of judgment, the question will not be “Why should I let you into my heaven?” Or, “Did you say the sinner’s prayer?” But rather, “How did you respond to The True Light?’

This passage shows us that those who are experiencing, right now, God’s wrath, have and are exposed to the truth, yet they hold it down and push it away, while continuing to live in unrighteousness.

Surrender

Romans1:10

Koine Greek is such a precise language! So exact and orderly is the language that it is no surprise God chose it to reveal the gospel to man. It is a language based on verbs, where word order is according to importance. This is the word order of the Greek:

“petitioning always upon the prayers of me, if perhaps, now at last, I will be prospered to come, in the will of the God, to you.”

Petitioning (deomenos) is a present middle participle, coming off of the word “I make “(mention of you ), from verse 9. Coming from the root word, deo, “to bind”, deomenos means “, to make a specific petition, to request”. So Paul isn't just tossing up a general blessing for a group of people he doesn’t interact with, or even know. His petitions are specific, detailed. I hate it when speakers or pastors say, ” I pray for every one of you!”, to a congregation. I don’t believe them. This critical spirit exposes to you that I lack love (I do not believe the best). I have been so disillusioned by lofty men on pedestals- falling. Also, growing up as a pastor’s kid, no one will ever come close to my father’s excellent example to me. So sadly, they all have one strike against them before getting up to the plate. But I want to be like Paul, thinking and making supplication to God for those I know intimately, and those I have only heard about. And not just a sentence prayer, but really putting myself in their situation and praying circumspectly for them.

Always. This adverb pantoteh is an extreme description coming from tas the adjective “all or every”, joined with the particle hoteh meaning “whenever, when or while”. Putting them together as an adverb reads, “at all times”

Then comes the prepositional phrase, “upon the prayers of me”. Paul is saying, at the occasion of my prayers, I always remember you specifically. My prayers for you are not general. I pray that God’s will be done in your life and that everyday you become more and more like Him.

If perhaps is a conjunction that expresses submission. Paul’s desire is to go to them, but he is first looking to God to see if this is God’s desire for him. Paul will go, if God so allows.

Now at last. This shows an eagerness to get there. But restrained by the ever-prevailing will of God in His life. The literal translation for this would be, “that now at last somehow it might happen…” I want every little thought and desire of mine to be constrained by such a submission-such a willingness of laying aside hopes and dreams and desires, if they are not God’s will for my life. I know there have been big moments in my life where I have done this. They are my memorial stones. Yet, what of the daily surrenders, the instinctive decision-making pauses of surrender and seeking the face of the Lord in the little things?

Everything Happens Invisibly

Romans 1:9

“For the witness of me is the God whom I serve in the spirit of me, in the gospel of the son of Him.”

Previously we looked at how Paul referred to himself as a slave to Christ (vs.1). When Paul makes reference to “the God whom I serve”, he does not use the same Greek word dulos (slave), but rather the word patris (meaning to serve; to hire for public service). In the New Testament, the word patris is always used to make reference to religious service, specifically, the function of the priest.

The last part of the verse is two prepositional phrases, which I find extremely fascinating. The first is, “in the spirit of me”. This is the preposition en which is in the dative case, signifying location, or sphere. Paul is going out of his way to point out the fact that this “service” is taking place, not in his flesh, but in his spirit! This was revolutionary for the Jewish community, for the Hellenistic Jews, and for the Gentiles. Can you imagine a religion that is not based on works? I doubt they could have. In our churches, the mindset is so pervasive, that the truly spiritual people are the ones doing all of the "work", and the "carnal" christians are the ones not involved. But the same truth that Jesus was exposing (the Pharisitical thought that works=righteousness) in his day, is just as prevalent today. I need to fight against judging christians on the basis of what they "do" in the church. God works in the spirit of men and women.

John 4:23-24 says, “But the hour is coming and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” The word “worship” means "to bow down and kiss the hand". It is an act of submission. Or should I say, it is a heart attitude made manifest in worship.

John 3:6, “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” God’s spirit is the only one that produces spiritual things. Flesh can only produce flesh. Spirit can only produce spirit. That’s why Jesus’ words to Nicodemus were so revolutionary. We are physically born of the flesh in the flesh. The only way we can be born of the spirit is in and by the Spirit!!

Philippians 3:3, “For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh…”. The emphasis here is on the spiritual, not the fleshly religiosity produced by man’s efforts.

The next phrase, “in the gospel of the son of Him” give us Paul’s area of service. The gospel is all about Jesus, the Son of God. It is not about us. Not about Satan, Not about Bad things happening to good people or good things happening to bad people. Not about our worth in Christ. The gospel, the good news, is Christ. Him crucified and risen. Everything Paul does and says is only within the confines of Christ. The gospel is the tabernacle in which he serves as a priest.

As believers, everything important and substantial happens in our spirit. It is where the Spirit dwells and functions. Because of His work in our spirit, we have a holy calling to serve within the gospel of Christ. What does that look like? Is it like an electric collar that zaps us every time we step out of the perimeter of the gospel and into the area of works or the runious world? No. Look at Paul’s life. He had a job. He was a tentmaker. He worked to earn a living, but he didn't work FOR a living. He was always functioning (in his spirit) under the influence of the gospel of Christ, and with the motives of the gospel of Christ.

Oh, I wish I were so propelled, in every menial task, by such a deep and strong love for the gospel, that it all counted for eternity and nothing would be burned up (like wood, hay, and stubble. see 1 Cor.3: 12-15)!!! God, raise up your Spirit in my spirit, to love, joy, and peace!!!

Persuasion invading the whole world!!

Romans 1:8

“Indeed I give thanks first to the God of me through Jesus Christ on behalf of all of you because the faith of you is being announced in the whole world.”

What’s interesting here is the cause or reason for Paul’s giving thanks. The conjunction “because” is dependent on the context. It is expressing the reason for something. Paul is thankful that the faith of them is being announced in the whole world.

Faith. This is a concept that I am only just beginning to grasp. Pistos (faith) comes from the word peitho (to persuade). I wrote previously about faith (being persuaded) that God will do and act according to what He has promised. It is all God, saying something, and doing it, exactly the time and place and way He intended to do it. The Spirit of God gives us the faith to believe that He will do it. That is faith-being persuaded. Faith is the presence and activity of God’s Spirit, NOT the believer’s works. Galatians 5:22……….. Faith is, being persuaded by God. I think of the old hymn:
“But I know whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day”

Is being announced. This is a great word!! Katangelos is the word angelos (a messenger, or angel) with the prefix kata (a preposition meaning according to, after or against.). Actually, this is interesting because, when you put certain prepositions in front of this word, it changes the meaning. For example, if you put the preposition pro in front of angelos, the word means “to announce beforehand”. The preposition ana in front of the same word changes the meaning to “to bring back news”. Our preposition kata, makes the word mean “to spread out news, up and down”. Paul is saying that the Roman’s faith was being announced throughout the whole world. It was spreading, like a first century tweet, or a tabloid headline. I hear excitement and wonder in Paul’s tone. The awe of God's incredible sovereignty!!

The phrase that Paul uses next, “ in the whole world” is a hyperbolic statement. Paul uses them occasionally, and they were very common to ancient Romans and Jews. A hyperbolic statement is an exaggerated phrase or colloquialism. When someone is overweight, a hyperbolic statement would be they are “bigger than a house”.

When was the last time you were so excited to hear that the work of God's Spirit in someone you know was causing Christ's name to be spread up and down the whole world? My first thought was of the Survivor contestant Matt, who testifys daily to the power of Christ working in his life to bring glory to Himself, and this excites me!! Oh how I wish that were true of me!! I know that Christ shines most in weakened individuals, which frightens me a little.

Beloved and Holy

Romans 1:7

“ To all the ones being in Rome, beloved of God, called saints:”

Beloved. To be the object of God’s love. Some people are very comfortable being in the position of beloved. They adroitly handle being the object of love, and there is no compunction for them. I don’t know what it is about me, but I am not comfortable in that skin. I am comfortable with flying under the radar. I am comfortable with my limitations. My faults are my constant companions; not in a self-abasing way, just in a realistic way. Yet, I am the object of God’s love, not because I can do amazing things, look stunning in a Dior, negotiate million dollar deals, or debate philosophical conundrums in several languages (btw-I can’t do any of those things). This is so hard for me to own! I wrestle with this truth often; training my heart to believe something my mind tells me is reality. And sometimes, for a brief while, I live in the beauty of being beloved.

When I find it particularly difficult, I pull up this snapshot in my head. Zarissa is a little bitty tow-headed three year old, she is looking up at me with a huge smile and love in her eyes. She sees the smile playing behind my eyes, and the corners of my mouth turning up. She smiles bigger. I am looking down at a mess! She has gotten into my make-up. It is all over her face. She loves color and is not afraid to try anything. This fact attested to by the mascara on her cheeks, several shades of lipstick on her eyelids, and rainbows of eyeshadow from her neck to her forehead. She is a mess, and I know I will have to clean it all up. It’s my stuff she’s ruined. Yet looking down into her smiling face, I love her. Not because she is all cleaned up and presentable, but because she is mine, and she trusts me and depends on me. This is my reset button. I picture myself with crap all over my face looking up into the all-knowing face of the Savior of the World, with Him kneeling down and looking into my face, loving me. Beloved.

Called Saints. Called is an adjective that describes what kind of saint we are. We are saints by calling. Not by merit. This helps me to understand why I am beloved. Just as I am not loved for my own merits, talents, or abilities, so I am not called because of anything I did or am doing or will do. I am a called saint.
Saint comes from the word holy (hagios), a separated one. This word does not reflect moral character. This phrase is in the dative case, which means it is the direct object. The called saints are receiving the action from the verb. As saints we are set apart, sanctified, not just for the Lord but separated from the common use of the world.
How often I become engrossed in the common things of this world! But I am not common, I am set apart and separated for the things of Christ. I am trying to function moment by moment in the knowledge of this truth. In Greek, called saints (klaytos hagios) has a Hebrew parallel. In the Old Testament this phrase was used for the holy convocation. The time the shofar was blown to assemble everyone. Paul uses it here to show us that God calls us. We are His holy convocation.

Beloved is personal and intimate. Called saints is corporate and exceptional. Together we are a holy convocation. We are His people to be used by Him for uncommon purposes. Uncommonly delicious!!!

We Are All Responders

Romans 1:6

“…among whom you also are the called of Jesus Christ;”

Paul is describing the position of the fellow believers in Rome.

“among whom” Whom refers to the nations. It is plural, all nations.

“called” klaytos. It means “to call or to bid”. It is a title. The called or invited ones.
This is important. Every single believer is a Called Believer.

“of Jesus Christ” This is in the genitive case which shows possession or ownership. Jesus Christ is the one who possesses us, who gives us the title, Called.

Cool note: The word ekklaysia comes from this word klaytos. The prefix ek means “out of”. This word is translated “church” because the church is a gathering of those called out of the world. Isn’t it sad to see many churches today trying to be so like the world? Their message is, “Hey, we will fit into the world, you don’t have to come out, we will come in.”

John 10:27 says, “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”
This is Jesus talking, to the Jews who surrounded Him at the Feast of Dedication in Jerusalem. Notice how He says that His sheep follow Him. They have responded to His calling. It is all about our response to Jesus.

John 6:44 says, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.” The Father not only calls, but also draws us to Himself.

This all comes into sharp focus for me in John 1:9, which says, “That was the True Light which gives light to every man coming into the world.”

This is an amazing verse that I have overlooked (or not fully understood) many times. Notice the exactness of this phrasing. It is powerful, and in Greek it is even more distinct. The true Light (Christ) enlightens EVERY MAN (neuter, meaning mankind) coming into the world!!! This is revolutionary!!! God reveals Himself to EVERY person that is born. Everyone in this world is exposed to THE TRUTH. It is not a matter of some people not realizing that there is a God, God has revealed Himself to everyone. The question is, how we respond to the light; to God’s revelation of Himself. This is so huge!! There are only two responses to God. One, we stiffen our backs and raise our fists at God, refusing to bow to His authority or even acknowledge Him. Or two, we bend our knee and bow our heads to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, acknowledging His right to rule in our life.


The awesome thing here is that God has revealed Himself to everyone, but not everyone responds with submission to Him. Some respond in rebellion and denial. The focus here is on our response to Him, The True Light.





How have you responded to His light?

Ears to Hear, Feet to Follow

Romans 1:5

Packed inside the tiny verse Romans 1:4, we saw the powerful doctrine of Jesus Christ; both His humanity and His deity. Now, in verse 5, Paul turns our attention to the provision of Jesus Christ. The verse starts with the preposition dia (when used with the genitive pronoun, “whom” referring back to Jesus Christ in verse 4), means “through”. It is through the provision and power of Jesus Christ that the following provisions are made to the believers Paul is writing to.
“Through Jesus Christ we received”. “Received” is a first person, plural, 2nd aorist, active, indicative. Let’s break it down:
1st person plural – we/us meaning inclusively, followers of Jesus Christ.
2nd aorist – tells of a single action that took place in the past
active – tells that the subject is doing the action (receiving). It is us being receptive.
indicative – tells that the verb is expressing a fact. Truth. Not a possibility or probability. Not a wish or desire, but actuality.
The important thing is that we received it; we did not take it, or earn it, or deserve it. We received this thing from the Lord. So what exactly did we receive?

Grace and apostleship. They are both in the accusative case, meaning they are the direct object of received. Grace - God’s grace did it all!! (see 1 Cor. 15:10 and Gal. 2:9). Apostleship – the word stello means “to arrange, set in order, to prepare” with the prefix appo, which is a preposition of separation, translated “from”. Put together, the meaning is “to order on to depart, to send away”.

Then the prepositional phrase that is translated “for obedience of faith”, when used with the accusative, shows purpose. These things (grace and apostleship) were received for the purpose of, or to bring about ….

Obedience. Love this word!! Hupakoane comes from akouoh which means, “to hear” and the preposition hupo, which means “under”. The word literally means to “put your hearing under”. Put your hearing under the persuasion of God. I love that!! It reminds me of Romans 12 where it talks about the renewing of your mind. This deliberate putting your hearing under the influence of God’s Truth and the Holy Spirit’s persuasion.

Of faith. This word is in the genitive case showing the origin. The origin of obedience is faith. Pistis means” to persuade”. God has persuaded us to put our hearing under His influence. He remakes us from the inside out. Spiritual, mental, and emotional regeneration (done by Him/His provision) which will be manifest in the physical realm as well.

Bury my hearing in the heartbeat of Jesus, to be propelled into motion by the Spirit of God, for the glory of the Father!!!

Powerful Pedigree

Romans 1:4

In the structure of verse four, all is built on the subject of verse 3 - the Son. Paul is unpacking the pedigree of the Son here. “The One having been declared, Son of God”. The claim, having been declared is an interesting phrase.

The actual word horisthentos (“having been declared”) is an aorist passive participle. A participle is a verbal adjective. It expresses the action of the subject in the sentence. Since it acts as a verb is has tense (aorist) and voice (passive). Aorist voice means that the action was completed in the past, and passive means that the declaring was done to Him not by Him. It comes from the words horidzo, which means "to declare, to ordain, or to appoint"; and the word horio means, "a limit or border". This is where we get our word horizon. It is a clear and defined boundary; a line of demarcation. It has been marked out precisely by God. The implication is that God is the one declaring (before this point in time) "this is My Son!". This man Jesus Christ is the Son of God, The One. How's that for authority!!!


Again, Paul uses three prepositional phrases to give clarity and definition to The One.
First, ”in power, strength, and ability”. Dunamae is the word we get dynamite from.

Secondly, “according to the Spirit of holiness”. This is a carryover from the Jewish phrase Ruach Ha Kodesh, which means the spirit of The Holy, obviously, the Holy Spirit. It emphasizes the sanctifying work of the Spirit and carries an implied meaning, “to blow clean”. That’s cool!!

Thirdly, “out of resurrection of dead”. This part of the prepositional phrase (the resurrection) proves His claim to be God. See John 2:18-19 and John 10:18. “The dead” is plural. The literal translation is “out of the dead ones”. Paul says the same thing in 1 Corinthians 15:20-22. “…Him being the first fruits of those made alive…” To the Jewish mind, a dead Messiah is not a Messiah at all. Duh!

Deuteronomy 21:23 says that the one who is crucified is cursed by God. Jesus took in His body, our sins, causing Him to be cursed by God. In Acts 9:1-6; Paul is face to face with the resurrected Lord. Paul is eyewitness to the fact that the crucified Jesus conquered death and rose again. The resurrection PROVED the claims of His Messiahship!!

The next phrase “Jesus Christ, the Lord of us”, concerns the identity of the Son.
What Paul has told us so far is that Jesus Christ is:
(1) the one out of the seed of David,
(2) according to the flesh,
(3) declared the Son of God,
(4) in power,
(5) according to the Spirit.

So…the first out of the resurrection of the dead ones is………………………………… Jesus!!!
Jesus (Yeshua) is His name. This highlights his humanity. We are all given a name; this is a basic element of our humanity. As humans, we live in community, and we have nominal designations.
Christ is His title. He is the anointed One.
Lord. This delineates His exalted position. He is the Sovereign ruler.

In this one small phrase, Paul packs the powerful doctrine of Jesus Christ. He verifies both His humanity and His deity. Such a POWERFUL passage!!!

Human Perfection

This verse is all explanation of the deponent verb in verse 2, “he promised before”. It starts with the preposition peri (sorry, I don’t have Greek fonts), which, when used with the genitive, means "circling something". It is usually translated “concerning” or” about”. The point is that the center of the gospel is the Son! He is the core. The center point!

In case his readers are still unclear on whom the Son is, Paul further identifies Him by using two prepositional phrases.
1. “Out of the seed of David”. Ek is the preposition used with the genitive, which delineates the source of something. It is translated “from out of”. Paul is drawing our attention to His humanity, identifying Jesus as the one fulfilling the Davidic Covenant. (See 2 Sam. 7:12-13, Psalm 89:3-4, Isaiah 11:1-5, Jer. 23:5-6, Matt. 1:1, Rev. 22:16).
2. “According to the flesh”. This is the category in which all of this (the gospel) took place. The gospel was accomplished IN Christ’s humanity. 1 John 4:2-3. The good news was accomplished in the humanity of Jesus.

We had the whole history of God's chosen people, Israel, to show us that we cannot keep the law! We are forever seperated from God and slaves to sin. Yet Jesus, the Messiah, the perfect man could Himself make attonement for us. It was planned this way, by God, before the foundations of the world.

C.S. Lewis says in his book, What Christians Believe, "...Here’s the catch. Only a bad person needs to repent. Only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are, the more you need it, and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly, would be a perfect person, and he would not need it…But the same badness that makes us need it (repentance/restoration) makes us unable to do it. Can we do it if God helps us? Yes. But what do we mean when we talk of God helping us? We mean God putting into us a bit of Himself-so to speak. He lends us a little of His reasoning powers, and that is how we think. He puts a little of His love into us, and that is how we love one another. We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hand while we do it. Now if we had not fallen that would be all plain sailing; but unfortunately, we now need God’s help in order to do something in which God, in His own nature, never does at all. To surrender. To suffer. To submit. To die. Nothing in God’s nature corresponds to this process at all. So that the one road for which we now need God’s leadership most of all, is a road God, in His own nature, has never walked. God can only share what He has. This thing in His own nature, He has not. But supposing God became a man. Suppose our human nature - which can suffer and die - was amalgamated with God’s nature, in one person. Then that person could help us. He could surrender His will and suffer and die because He was a man. And He could do it perfectly because He was God. You and I can only go through this process if God does it in us. But God can do it only if He becomes a man. Our attempts at this dying will succeed only if we men share in His dying; just as our thinking can succeed only because it is a drop out of the ocean of His intelligence. But we cannot share God’s dying unless God dies. And He cannot die except by being a man. That is the sense in which He pays our debt; and suffers for us, what he himself, need not suffer at all.”

The Messiah Jesus, the seed of David came in 100% humanity, took on our sins, died, and rose again! I LOVE Easter!!!!

Old Promises - Romans 1:2

Verse 2 starts with a relative pronoun linking back to the phrase, “the gospel”. Paul says, “Hey folks, this gospel is not new”. It was promised before. The Jews had a saying: “If it’s true, it’s not new.”

The Greek word translated “he promised before” is a compound word. The prefix means before and is attached to the word meaning to promise or announce. This is the same promise that the Jews trace back to Abraham. God gave Abraham a promise that was not conditional or dependant. It was a flat-out promise. He said, “I will make you the father of many nations; and through you all the nations of the earth will be blessed”. All Abraham had to do was believe what God said. Everything that God says is a promise. God cannot lie and He is more than capable of doing whatever He says He will do. The gospel is not dependant on us. It is God’s promise, and He will do it. And it is not a new promise. The gospel is not a new message. It was promised long ago. It was God's preordained plan!!

It is interesting that faith is always connected to promise. Faith is believing that what God promises will come to pass; His words are Truth. Faith is believing that God can and will do it. Notice how there is no claiming, or doing, or being, or acting. The gospel is something that God has promised. We believe in faith, that He will do what he promised.

Paul is setting up to show his readers that this is not a new gospel. He uses two prepositional phrases, (1) "through the prophets", and (2) "in Holy writings". Paul will go on to quote the Old Testament 61 times in this letter. He is careful to lie out for his readers throughout the letter that this IS the same gospel, the same God, the same Messiah prophesied.

We don't have to get all wrapped around the axle over the Old Covenant, New Covenant debate. Paul shows us here that God is so much bigger than that. He didn't revise His plan. This IS His original plan. I love resting in the fact that nothing can thawart God.

Called apostle, God's gospel

Paul’s second credential for ministry is that he is a called apostle. “Called” actually modifies apostle. It tells us what kind of apostle he is. He did not volunteer or apply for the job. He was not recommended and voted in. God chose him.

The word apostle means “one sent forth with orders”. So not only does he belong to Christ and act in a capacity of slave for His master, he was also chosen by God as a special messenger.

Thirdly, Paul points out his consecration in regards to his position in ministry. The word translated “having been separated”, means to mark off from others by boundaries. It is in the passive voice, meaning the action was done to him. He was separated out by God. Paul was actually separated out three times. Once, he says he was separated from his mother’s womb. The second time was at his conversion (Acts 9:15), and the third time was when he was set apart by the Holy Spirit for ministry (Acts 13:2).

The next prepositional phrase is really interesting: “To the gospel God”. The Greek word sometimes translated “for” here, means to or towards. He was not separated from something, but to something.

It’s a little funny to me that the Aramaic word perishim is the word for Pharisee. Which literally means “separated one, legally”. The Pharisees were separated to the law and for the law. They served the law. Paul is clearly contrasting himself from them in this passage by saying in essence, “They are separated by the law, I am separated for the gospel!”

God is in the genitive case showing possession. God is the source and origin of the gospel. It is God’s gospel. He is the source of the gospel.

The word translated “gospel” is used in Paul’s writings 60 times. The word actually originated in Greek society, for an official government announcement made by town criers, usually to announce a victory. The word picture here is beautiful. Paul is crying in the town square, “The war is over!! Jesus has won!!!” That is the good news. That is the gospel. God is the source of it. Jesus has accomplished it. Amen

Doulos

I can't express how much I missed studying Greek. More accurately, studying God's word as written in the original language in the context of culture, time, and audience. We finished first year Greek and then took a break. Our class has started up again, now going though the book of Romans. I cannot tell you how affirming the Holy Spirit within me has been at the hearing of His Truth being poured into my life.

So, I am going to share with you what I am learning. This is my digestion, and sometimes straight regurgitation, of what I am learning. It is not MY teaching. But as far as I am able to determine and with the affirmation of the Spirit it is accurate and sound.

Romans 1:1-7. This passage is all one sentence in Greek. It's like Paul is talking as fast as he can to get this all in in one breath. He is addressing a congregation of believers that he has not personally visited-yet. He wants to establish his position in ministry. This is the ground he has to stand on. So naturally, he starts by stating his capacity for ministry. in verse 1.

The first thing he tells us about himself is that he is a slave. The word slave is in the genitive, showing possession or ownership. Paul says that he is owned my Christ Jesus. In Greco-Roman society, a slave is the most reprehensible member of society-an outcast, really. A slave was purchased property, owned and managed by someone else. In modern America we have a little different view of slavery than they had in Paul's day. For starters, our society is generations removed from slavery. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating slavery at all! As far as one person owning another person is concerned, it is heinous. But I believe it is quite another matter when talking about the Creator of the Universe owning His created beings. I didn't make my fellow man, therefore, I have no claim of ownership or authority over them; even my children. I birthed them, but Psalm 139 tells us unequivocally that it was God who formed my children in my womb.

Anyway, back to Paul's day. Slavery was common practice; sadly, a thriving trade. According to the Mosaic law, you could own a slave for six years. On the seventh year the slave had earned his freedom, or in some cases, had the right to buy his freedom. However, if that slave desired, he could stay and serve his master for the rest of his life. The only motivation for this act was pure love and devotion-admiration and respect. If that were the case, the slave would give up his freedom voluntarily for the service of his master. Can you imagine the level of love and respect that would merit? From then on, he belonged to his master. His identity was his master's. He lived to the service of his master and his household. His master's needs were now his needs. His master's desires were now his desires. He would be taken to a doorpost, an awl would pierce through his earlobe, and a gold ring was placed in the hole.

The word picture to the ancient Roman was powerful!! Paul was calling himself something detestable. A slave. He renounced his own life to become property of Christ Jesus. He lived to do the bidding of Christ-exclusively. He worked only on Christ's projects. He went only on Christ's errands. He sought only the pleasure of Christ. He spoke only Christ's words.

Paul is supposed to be unpacking his credentials here; gaining respect so that the Romans would continue reading. The first thing he says is, "Hey folks, the most important thing for you to know about me is that I am a slave, owned by my master Christ Jesus. I have been purchased from the slave market of sin. Christ Jesus owns me and it is my deep pleasure to serve Him out of love. My life is not my own."

Paul is essentially saying I have died to my self and live for Christ. This is the perfect beginning to hear the words of Christ. Through the mouth of a man who is dead to self, living only as a mouthpiece of God. He is about to speak words and Truth that were not of his own design, but Christ Jesus'. Being a slave to Christ. Paul sets a supreme example here. Have I died to myself? Do I put Christ's preferences above my own? Am I pleased to be despised by the world? Is it ok with me to be seen as the lowest of low-barely human, because of my love for the Lord? Does my service flow from true adoration for Christ?

Paul's capacity for ministry is that he ONLY speaks for Christ, acts for Christ, lives for Christ, and loves with Christ's love. He is Christ's trusted slave.

It's been forever

Ok friends. I know it has been a very long time. Life has flown by! I appologize for not sharing, decompressing, unpacking my thoughts with you all. I have digressed to the old fashioned pen and paper. This year has been one of great change for our family. Many things are far too personal to get into in such a public setting, hence, the pen and paper. But I do miss the connections. Jack is right, family, we've lost that loving feeling, and it's gone, gone gone, woa oh oh oh oh! (Sorry. Top Gun flash back). So, let's chat. I will be back soon, so grab a cup of your faviorte beverage and let's get reaquainted. Talk to you soon!

A few mornings ago, while Dave and I were on our run, I was thinking of our last trip to Haiti. I was thinking about the important doctors, surgeons, diplomats, politicians, soldiers, and entrepreneurs we met. Ironic, that in a third world country I was shoulder to shoulder with them as equals. A level playing field with no past, experience, education, reputation, or money, just a common purpose and an immediate need...anyway... then I was remembering the patients in the hospital.

First, I tried to list them all by name...nothing. I couldn't remember even one of their names! But just before I burst into a self-loathing tirade, my mind zoomed in on their faces. I was there, in the hospital, once again. I remember THEM! I remember the feel of their bony, calloused hands in mine. I remember their faces, the sounds of their voices, their injuries, the fear in their beautiful brown eyes, their laughter or groans, the questions they asked, the family members bringing food, sheets, and nightgowns. I remember their teasing my broken Creole, I remember the smell of their hair as I kissed them goodnight on the forehead...Oh, I remember them! They are forever etched upon my heart.

Then it strikes me. This is not me! Naturally, normally, I am not a sympathetic person. I don't empathize. I am not comforting, caring, maternal, soft, or sappy. Normally, naturally, I am indifferent, tough, driven, competitive, critical, analytical, and methodical.

And I start to cry.

I love moments like this. They are gifts. Priceless moments when the Lord Jesus Christ reminds me...

You are not normal anymore
You are not natural any longer

You are redeemed.......remade.......renewed......reborn........restored.........repaired........resurrected!

And as the crescendo subsides, the one sustaining note reverberating in my heart is...

This is how you know...
This is how they will know...

You are not natural normal any longer.
YOU are dead.
I am alive within you.

I am THE life...............you are the tent

I am THE superhero.....you are the skin

Pitas, electrical schematics, rubber gloves, and race cars

I am standing at my kitchen island eating a veggie pita. In front of me is the kitchen table and the french doors beyond. It is a windy, crisp afternoon. The sun is shining, but its effects are sucked away by the wind. Crunching and staring out the door I am watching my husband. He is sitting outside at the picnic table on the patio, facing me. He is laboring over an electrical schematic of the garage. This is what he does best-planning, envisioning. His brow is furrowed in concentration. He is holding his pencil in that funny way four year olds do, resting between his index and middle fingers. On school children it looks awkward, but on this 6’4” hulk of a man, it looks...manly.

He gets up. Carefully placing weights on his paper, daring the wind to abscond it, and walks back to the garage. My thoughts are circling over a fact. Half of me is an analytical theorist, the other half is a spontaneous artist. At this moment I realize that I spend a lot of time observing, hypothesizing, and testing my theories on other people not too close to my life. I am like a scientist, at a safe distance - shielded with goggles and gloves- from any possible contaminates. My latest occupation has been field researcher in the area of marriages-other peoples’ of course.

My husband returns to the table. Once again bent over his drawing. You can be certain every detail is accurate. He is good at it. I know what he is thinking this very second and I smile. The slight curling up of his lips is the tell. He hates the wind. It is his longest nemesis.

My thoughts land on the fact. I should spend my time testing, observing, and working at my marriage the same way I do with others. This is such a simple thought. Such an elementary bedrock of life it is ludicrous to think a person would miss this. But I know they do. I have counseled enough to know that fact well. And here am I. Looking at my opposite and other half realizing that most of the time I only look at half of myself in the mirror. Like that guy in the movie Lady in the Water, who only worked out half of his body.

I am finished my pita. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is not my food. Lord forgive me. I am so selfish. I know what to do and how to be and what to strive for. Please, please, teach me to DO it!! I don’t want to be a research scientist; I want to be a test driver! Give me tunnel vision. Teach me how to focus on my husband and my marriage. Make it be my joy to cherish him. To know him so intimately, and anticipate his every need and desire. Amen.