This past week I was sick. And praise the Lord, it was wonderful! No, I am not a massochist nor am I emo. Whatever this thing is/was it knocked me out of commission. I spent three days not able to get out of bed. It is a strange thing, being there but not really there. I could hear life happening around me. Time seemed to move so slowly.
The first day I wasted wallowing in my misery. I slept, read a book and watched a movie. The kids did their homework quietly and brought me tea.
The second day, I was frustrated. I felt guilty for not being able to do what I thought I was supposed to do. I could hear everything that was happening. I needed to be out there to correct, admonish, instruct, interceed...what would happen without me? Who would clean up, tell them not to eat that because it had no nutritional value, stop them from eating in the family roon, check their homework, remind them for the 10,000th time not to put their shoes on the couch and get their clean clothes off of it?
But the third day. The third day I woke up just as miserable, just as weak, but with a longing in my heart to spend that day with the Lord. I did. It was a beautiful day. I purposed in my mind to count this all joy, and truly it was. It is another one of those paradoxes. While I lay in my bed sweating and freezing with a fever, every joint in my body in pain, the back of my head feeling like it would explode, I was thanking my Lord for the privilidge of sitting at his feet. I was basking in the joy of knowing Him and being loved by Him. Oh, there were moments of grief, when he gently showed me my sin, but no moments of abandonement, no moments of hopelessness. Only the presence of the Lord, the peace that passes all understanding, the knowledge of His Sovereign rule in my life, the assurance that He who began a good work will bring it to completion.
People often say, "I would never wish that on anyone". I don't think that I will say that anymore. I wouldn't trade my whole day with the Lord, including the pain, which made the joy of His presence that much sweeter.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of various kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith develops perseverence." -James 1:2-3
8 comments:
dont know that i've ever been excited about getting sick before. if only i can remember this when sickness hits me next time.
Kami and I went through that about 2 weeks ago - I finished my anti-biotics yesterday.
AMAZING! I loved this blog. Im glad you feel better and im glad you had that amazing experience with the Lord. It reminds me of Hume's theme Thrashed. Anyway, God is amazing in the way he works. I love him. and I love you! im glad you are feeling better.
ashley
I'm done eating ice cream, are you done being sick?
have you died of your sickness or just sick and tired of blogging?
We mis your writing
are you writing somewhere else and we just cant find it?
hmmm i hope you still aren't sick?! ;-)
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